I crave a gentle life. I know what hell looks like already. More harsh lessons are not necessary. Give me soft evening, sweet as chocolate. Nights worn like wool. Let’s laugh till we are in tears, alongside those who make loving us look easy. I want to breathe in the air of everywhere I once dreamt of making memories. Though my hardships have shaped me, in beautiful and painful ways that I will forever be grateful for. I want my days to be full and affectionate. I want to be formless, someone who flows and moves without worry. Some days I am water. Others, I am lava. Both are real. Both are me. All versions of me are honest and necessary. Who I am is safe when respected.

I would rather be a great friend to a few than an acquaintance to many. I would rather be widely accepting than wildly accepted. I want to be the one others know it is safe to turn to. I want to be the person who I needed all those years ago. There is a softness within me that was not always there. It grew from heinous places. Cold, callous, remorseful places. My softness is my greatest strength. To not be hardened by the very things meant to break you, that is what I am most proud of.

Now, everyone near me gets my light. This way we all shine.

~J. Raymond